please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
