I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
