so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
