Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
