Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
