Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
