The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
