Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
