i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You're like the curious george of whores
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
