on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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