Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
