I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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