Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish my penis had a tongue
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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