I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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