every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
