And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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