Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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