The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
