cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
