If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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