You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
