Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
