Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can text with my tongue
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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