this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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