That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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