You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
