I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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