I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
