chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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