he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
