I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize