my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
