I wish you could order shots online.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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