i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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