how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
