I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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