Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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