I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
