if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
