you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
