Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize