Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
