I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When did angry sex become our thing?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
