White coat. Heels.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
