you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Terrible idea I love it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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