Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
