can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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