Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
