Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
