Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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