who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
