i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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