I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
