just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
