where am i from again
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
