maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
