ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
