There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize