i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
