Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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